Entailing Luck

We all know that point when we want to stick our finger to the world and scream screw you.

High school graduation, one week away and I feel bad for those who've yet to learn the real lessons we should know by now.

You know that thing consideration?? Try it.
Remember friendship?? It's not a convenience thing.
Lying?? Ya that will get you no where.
Ever heard of integrity? Aquire some.
Do you recall being selfish?? Of course not. You think you've done nothing wrong.

You know, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe high school students aren't supposed to be familiar with all these things by now, after all, some people never change.

Isn't it crazy how someone can get mad at us for doubting and questioning them and their motives, but sometimes we end up being right? Who then is at fault?

The worst feeling is a metaphorical slap in the face or punch in the stomach, but want to know what the best is? The point when you're in such disbelief, you can't help but laugh, and then the laughter never stops.

Laughter (and a few choice words) comes in handy when a handful amount of people deem it necessary to rub something in your face.

A very dear friend and I have come across a motto we say when we see/hear/experience others stupidity, "Good luck in life". These have become my four favorite words recently.

I've talked before about shrugging your shoulders when something bad happens and distancing yourself from those who hurt you, etc. etc. Although, seldomly did I follow my own advice.

I was consumed with wishful thinking, far too much trust and apparently too high of standards for others. Boy did I learn my lesson. I cannot place blame one any one person specifically, for I am the dictator of the paths I travel and the book-keeper of the emotions I check in and out..

I am convinced we are strangely drawn to others, despite the good or bad it will provide. I believe pain is inevitable, and I believe sometimes we cannot hide it. I believe we hold on to others regardless of the pain because pain is better than nothing.

Today, I choose nothing.

In the few days left of high school, I plan not on making a scene, doing something that will "go down in history", or making myself a legend. When the bell rings the last day, I will walk out, appreciative of what was and accepting of what was not.

When my fingers wrap the diploma, I will neither cry nor cheer, but a sigh of relief. I find I have learned enough and will prosper.

I have found plenty good friends along the way and even a few great ones. Both of which had those who decided not to stick around.

To some, it's a pity things had to end up how they did. But if you don't care, why should I?

They say when one door closes, another one opens. I think they're wrong. I think sometimes, you're just supposed to stop going through doors. Maybe take a stroll outside?

Today, I say goodbye to a few. In six days I will say goodbye to High School and my graduating class. In 68 days I will say goodbye to Utah and all who dwell here.

"She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right"
-- Flogging Molly

Some people suddenly decide they don't want us in their life, some people replace us. Sometimes we leave people behind, and sometimes we forget them. Often we need to, and often we're meant to. But it's all right, we'll be alright. Good luck in life.

Entailing Pain

Something inside the female brain triggers certain kinds of pain; A type that very few men understand.

We're not built like men, we break. Words stick with us, haunting our minds.

When someone tells us we aren't beautiful, sometimes we believe them. When we're told you don't care, it feels like no one does.

We are forced to wipe tears away when all we want is the let them out. We are forced to bury the emotions we feel because we're critiqued when we express them.

To any mother, father, sibling, friend or boyfriend; You may not see the pain on the surface, you may not recognize the hurt taking place. It happens, and that's reality.

This is a dedication to all the girls who tried, have, or continue to endure.

You flipped over your arm, exposing the scars. You told me you used salt and ice, wrapped in a bandage, burning your arms; Sometimes you even used a knife. Because you loved him, none of us stepped in. But I am proud after the years of conflict and heartache you finally freed yourself from his lies and deceit.

I saw your hand, cut and swollen and bruised. She slammed it in the door because you couldn't follow orders quick enough. The few who know, continue to watch, saddened, wishing of something we could do. One day it'll be over, one day you'll leave that place. You have a place to stay, safe and confidential. Hang in there.

He told you you'd never look pretty and she drank, drink after drink until the she began to yell. Fooling everyone, they put on a good show, and so do you. "No one will believe you" they say, but we do. When the fights begin, walk away and don't fight back. You're counting down the days until you can get out, and so are we.

We watched as your legs grew thing and listened when you kindly said, "No thank you, I'm full". You didn't let us help, you didn't let us in. I'm sorry he stopped loving you; It's not because you're not beautiful, it's not because you're not thin. No body knows what changed, but we're happy you're healthy, smiling and once again saying, "I'm hungry".

Nothing seemed to go right, regretfully, no one seemed to take you seriously, just the girl who cried wolf. For a while, things looked up, positive, and new. One after another, things fell apart; Just so you know, you're little brother is the one who found you; Quietly hanging. Everyone misses you; Thanks you for trying, for doing your best. Praying pain fled from your heart as your soul fled the earth. Til' the day we meet, rest in peace.

To those who don't make it, I would not like to promote your actions, but commend your trial. Giving it your best is all anyone could have asked of you. Apologies will be cast in your place, wishing more could have been done.

I also commend those who do make it through, may you continue to prosper. Strength will become on of your most admirable characteristics. When it seems like the tunnel is everlasting, keep going. You are surrounded by many, willing to listen, willing to help.

Most of whom the snippets are about are girls very dear to me. I have learned much from them, and thank them for everything they've shared. Confidential, but they know who they are.

There's not much to say, but to let the words sink in.

Entailing Freedom

On her two feet
the music began to play.
As it played
she watched.
She carried the weight upon her shoulders
she let the burdens hold her down.
In her eyes the world was uneven
in her mind she could do it on her own.
Accustomed, she walked just fine
so numb, she didn't even notice.
Concerned, He looked down at her
and muttered this wouldnt do.
Because I love you, He told her
this is something I must do.
Placing more on her shoulders
the pain began to spread.
She fell
feeling like she failed.
No, He told her.
Pride hinders
you will stand still.
Once you fall
loosen up your hold
and let it all go
you will move again.
This time forward
this time free.
On her two feet
the music began to play.
As it played
she danced.
As she danced, she thanked Him.
As she danced
she was free.