Entailing: Then & Now

It's funny to look back on your life a year ago, and compare it to where you are now.

The time flies, but so much happens.

For some, it's been a year of happiness- for others, a struggle.

Either way, the time has gone by, and we've made it to this point; still breathing, still alive.

Do I remember what I was doing last year on May 28, 2010? Fat chance.

On May 28, 2012 will I remember what I'm doing right now? It's highly unlikely.

How often do we actually remember exactly what we were doing, and even more-so, what we were thinking?

I don't know about you readers, but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever remember exactly what I was thinking at this exact moment. I like to pretend I can, but come on.. I can't. haha.

Although, I've come to realize- We remember the most when we felt the most. Whether it's happiness, or sorrow, and oddly, a few sporadic things here and there.

This time last year, I was getting ready to graduate, committed to Northwest College in little ol' Powell, Wyoming for soccer, getting over a boy, and ready to get out of this place.

Where am I now?

I'm back in Salt Lake City, sitting in the room I deserted for 5 months, signing up for my sophomore year classes at the University of Utah, and yes, getting over another boy.

This time last year, I never would have thought I'd be back home, doing what I'm doing now.

When I thought about that, it sort of upset me.. This isn't what I planned for.

But then.. I realized, this time next year I could be doing something completely different, just like last year to now; and the fact that I have absolutely no idea what that is, is exciting- and to be honest, somewhat relieving.

I've realized I always try to make a plan for things, because if I plan, I know exactly what's going to happen and what to expect, therefore I can avoid disappointment.

Today, I came to the sudden realization- nothing I had planned on happening, happened- and the things I hadn't planned on, did. So frankly, why plan?

The things we want to do in life shouldn't be written on a piece of paper with a pen- they should be written on a white board- no scratching, no guilt; we can just change it real quick, and if we change our minds 5 minutes later, we don't have to say, "Ahhh.. but I just wrote that!".

Because after all, the things we want are always changing, right?

Oh, the things that can happen in a year. It's not the same as the things that can happen in a day, or even a month!

In a year, you can fall in love, and fall out of love.
you can't fall in and out of love in a day
Or even a month- not real love.
Psychologists did a study that said a crush lasts a maximum of 4 months- if it exceeds that, it's love.

In a day, you can forget to brush your teeth.
I hope and pray someone won't forget to brush their teeth for a month
and heaven forbid a year.

In a month, every leaf can change colors.
in a day? maybe one or two.
in a year, they fall off, bloom, and change colors.

In a year, you can be fine, break a bone, and be perfectly fine again.
in a day, you break it.
in a month, it's only healing.

In a month, everyday happens once.
in a day, it's only today!
and in a year, they happen 12 times!

In a day, it could be cloudy all day.
But it's very unlikely for it to be cloudy all month
and all year.

See what I mean? There is just something about a year from then and now that seems so significant.

I bet you couldn't count how many people you met in the last year.

I bet you couldn't count how many showers you took in the last year.

I bet you couldn't count how many homework assignments you procrastinated.

I bet you couldn't count how many times you said 'I love you'.

I bet you couldn't count how many times you hit 'snooze' on your alarm.

I bet you couldn't count how many times you ate a banana.

I bet you couldn't.

And that's a good thing- because if you walked around tallying everything- you'd be wasting your time tracking things instead of doing them.

The hardest part, is looking back, and wishing some of the things were still the same.

But you have to look at it this way, if you were fine before they happened, you have the ability to be ok when they end.

Some people will graduate high school this year, sad that it's over- and in a year, wonder why it ever even mattered in the first place.

While others will have already graduated a year back, not caring when it happened- and wishing they could go back.

Some people will graduate from college this year because they wanted to start their career- and in a year, from their cubicle, wish they would've enjoyed it while they could have.

While others will drop out of school and party their life away this year- and in a year, wishing they would've stuck with it.

Some people will get married this year- and in a year, get a divorce.

While others got a divorce last year- and finally met the real love of their life, or realized, the person they had, is actually the person they want.

Time keeps moving along, even if we want it to stop.

The clock keeps ticking, even if we want it to slow down.

So don't stop, and don't slow down.

Because in a year that will be now, and today will just be another then.

Entailing: That's Life

Rarely, does it turn out how we want it to.

There are good people, bad people, and a bunch of mediocre people.

Don't let any of them get in the way.

Roll with the punches, don't throw them.

As much as we try, we honestly have no idea whats in store for us.

Let what happens, happen.

Let the sun shine, and the rain fall.

You're only lifestyle should be happiness- not partying.

Surround yourself with the good vibes of good people.

Have a good time with healthy hobbies.

Regret little.

Don't let one person stop you from living your life.

& don't live your life for one person.

It's easier to forgive ourselves and others for what we've done rather than what we haven't.

There's no such thing as too much love.

Give just as much as you take.

Roll down the windows when everyone else has them closed.

Give it all you've got.

We've only got one shot

& that's life.

Entailing: Never

Manipulating words
convinced her in believable lies.
The pain didn't matter
nor the look in her eyes.
Snatching hands
ripped it all away
He laughed at her,
"You really thought I'd stay?"
He took her life
and took her heart
with words like a knife,
but that's not the best part.
She tried to tell him
but he wouldn't listen.
He ended it all
watching her last tear glisten.
On the floor
he saw the note.
He saw it folded
he saw what she wrote,
"I know you don't love me
and I know it's best,
If I let you go,
and forget the rest.
I could never hurt you
the way you've hurt me.
I couldn't stab back,
why can't you see?
I know down deep
there's good in you.
But I've found it's like dreaming;
I only believe it when I'm asleep.
We'll never understand why
I love you so-
and that's the reason
I must let you go.
You could've told me
there was no forever,
I'm leaving you now,
because I know it's a never."
He dropped the letter
and dropped the knife.
He could've been gentle
and let her live her life.
Unnecessary pain
he inflicted on her.
He decided from it
there was nothing to gain.
He thought he was funny
and thought he was clever.
In the end, he was the one
with nothing but never.

Entailing: Understanding Not Understanding

"I don't understand." - We find ourselves saying this all the time.

Part of our misery comes from the distress of trying understand something we don't understand. Think about it- how often do you think yourself silly over something?
There are some things worth thinking about- worth stressing over; some things aren't.

We have to understand there are things we will never understand.

• Why good/young people die
• Why we love people who don't love us back
• Why life doesn't always turn out how we want it
• Why people commit suicide
• Why sometimes we cry over nothing
• What came before us? What came before that?
• Why bad things happen to good people
• Why do the people who deserve to get caught, never do? And the ones who don't, do?
• Why love disappears sometimes
• How songs, scents, and pictures can bring back so many memories
• How our hearts and minds can want different things
• How quickly our minds change
• How if we did one thing differently, that our lives could be completely different
• Do we all see the same colors
• Do we all think the same way

There are a million and one things I don't understand.

I know that things have to happen, but I don't necessarily know why.

I don't know why some people go their whole lives without finding someone to love, and why some people marry the first person they date and live 50 years of happily ever after.

I don't know why we were created with poisonous characteristics- jealously, greed, anger, spite, vengeance, etc.

I understand that I will never understand these things.

I don't understand why things can change in a split second that change your life forever- but I know that it happens.

I don't know how terrible things turn into good things- but I know that they can.

I don't understand why some people are the luckiest people in the world, and why some have the worst luck in the world- but they do.

I don't know why we can't realize what we have when we have it, and not when we don't- but we don't.

I don't understand how such terrible things happen to countries and cities; floods, tornadoes, hurricanes.- but they do.

I don't know why killing innocent people in another country earns any sort of respect for one's own country- but it does.

I can tear myself apart thinking about these things, or

I can understand that I will never understand these things

and let them go.

I don't understand how the IRS can rip everything away from a family.

I don't understand how a parent can abuse their child.

I don't understand how anybody can cheat on someone they're married to, or in a relationship with.

I don't understand if someone cares about us, why they hurt us. Even more-so, I don't understand why we stick around when they do.

I don't understand how such a material possession such as money can tear a family/marriage apart.

I don't understand why we always want what we can't have.

I must understand, I will never understand.

You may understand some things, you might understand calculus, you might understand pathogenic biology, or how to make a computer- but there will always be things none of us will ever understand.

Why and when society decided to demand perfection instead of natural? I have no idea.

Why some marry for money? It's baffles me.

Why it's so hard to let someone go? I wish I knew.

Why some people can eat a whale and not gain a pound while another eats a cracker and gains five pounds? It's beyond me.

On Stumbleupon.com I came across this image. Such a simple image- yet, a strong impact. I literally sighed with relief when I saw this.

We simply have to understand, we simply don't understand.

Once you do, it's a breath of fresh air.

Entailing: What is?

There a million different perspectives on life.

Are we suppose to go along with one another, or define our own?

What is life? What is love? What is friendship? What is pain? What is religion? Who am I?

So many questions- do we discover the answers, or define our own?

The hard part is, there are so many moments you think you've got it all figured out. But that literally lasts a moment; then it's back to, "What the hell are we doing here?", "What the hell does it (it being anything) mean?"

The beauty of life- you have the choice to create your own meanings, or submit yourself to the ideas of others.

What is life?
- A series of unfortunate events. Just kidding. I honestly don't know- and maybe that's just what life is; life is lived simply to be figured out.
- Maybe on your death bed, as you slowly slip away, maybe there's one last fresh breath of air- and you just know?
- If we knew exactly why we were here, would life even be that great? Isn't not knowing and trying to figure it out half the fun?
- Someone once told me, "I don't know what comes after life, but I figure I might as well live it up while I've got the chance."- I think he's right.
- If this is all we have, why do so many hold back?

What is love?
- The best and worst thing in the entire world; creates the highest highs and the lowest lows.
- Love, I think, is when nothing and no one else matters.
- It happens when you least expect it, and doesn't when you want it most.
- It can't be forced.
- Love is 1 Corinthians 13:4–8

• Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

- I wouldn't consider myself insanely religious, but this verse I know to be true.
- It's hard, and takes work, but in the end: the plus is worth the minus.
- Love challenges you to do the right thing.
- Love conquers pride.

What is friendship?
- A fight that lasts 5 minutes then is forgotten about.
- No matter what- you're there for someone else.
- The most reliable and solid foundation for any relationship.
- There is 100% honesty in real/true friendships
- Consideration is in full effect at all times (well most of the time)
- Endless laughs.
- When no one else encourages you- a real friend does.

What is pain?
- A physical or emotional strain.
- Ranges from broken bones to broken hearts.
- A tough fall on the court, or a tough fall for a person.
- Extensive disappointment.
- Pain fuels from loss; losing a big game, losing a limb, or losing a friend/family member.
- Wounds; flesh wounds or wounded pride.
- Feeling invisible or forgettable.
- Feeling unloved, or even worse- unlovable.
- Can last seconds, days, months, or even a lifetime.
- Perpetuating pain, a pain very few understand, can cause someone to take their own life.

What is religion?
- Something to believe in.
- To some, a life saver; for others, a reason to live.
- Reassurance, or a potential answer, to the meaning of life.
- A potential answer to, "How did we get here?" and, "What happens after we die?".
- Theories to the unexplainable; theories science cannot prove.
- Proof of miracles.
- The basis for "everything happens for a reason".
- Something people turn to in their time of need; to seek help.
- To encourage positive morals and lifestyles and exterminate selfish living.

Who am I?
- You are who you decide you want to be.
- At the end of the day who you are is up to you, not anyone else.
- What are you trying to achieve? And why?
- An individual and an influence.
- Strong and able.
- A difference in someone else's life.
- Presented with endless opportunities; its not whether or not you have the ability, it's whether or not you're willing to put in the work to get there.

What is yesterday, today, and tomorrow?
- It's the past, present, and future.
- Today, reflect on what you learned from yesterday, and apply it to tomorrow.

It's scary to think this is literally the only life we have. Seldom do we realize this is it, and every minute it draws closer to the end.

People always ask us, "If you knew you were dying, would you live differently?" - well, lets be honest, everyday we get closer to dying. I don't say this to be negative nor morbid. But it's true isn't it? Our days are number- regardless if it's 10 million , 10 thousand, or 10.

Basically, we should live like we're dying everyday.. because we are.

In Awake My Soul by Mumford and SonsWhere you invest your love, you invest your life." - How true. We should spend our lives being loved, not trying to convince someone to love us.

In Winter Winds also by Mumford and Sons, they say, "Let the memories be good for those who stay." I don't think this needs much explanation. If someone stays in your life, whether it's a friend, a boy/girl, or a family member- let the memories be good. If someone decides not to stay- what a shame.

What gives your life meaning? What and who can you not live without? When we look back on our lives thus far, it's not what we've done that we regret, its what we didn't do. Take your chances, look over the edge, jump in- because after all, it's all we've got.
Who are you? What is life to you? Is it finding love, fighting pain, faithful religion, or fruitful friendships?

Do you define life? Or does life define you?

Entailing: It's No Straight Line

We, as humans, experience an extensive range of emotions.

Sometimes we get so angry we want to scream as loud as we can, throw something across the room, punch a wall.

Sometimes we get so sad we want to lay in bed all day long, don't want to talk to anyone, cry until there is nothing left to cry.

Sometimes we are so happy we can't stop smiling, you want to tell everyone how happy you are, nothing can bring us down.

Sometimes we are so confused we want to forget all about it and walk away or ask "why?" to anyone we think might have an answer.

Sometimes we are so bothered we want to turn break our phones, fade away from society, and live in the wilderness.

Sometimes we are so excited we can't sleep, time seems to move slowly, stomach knotting.

Sometimes we are so disappointed we can't look someone in the eyes, we can't look at someone the same, can't let it go.

Sometimes we are so scared we want to hide under the bed, run away, act like nothing is wrong.

Sometimes we are so in love we can't imagine our lives without that person, we want to show them off to the world, we want to hold tight and never let go.

No matter who you are, no matter how proud you make yourself out to be, you are able to experience emotion; you feel.

There are days where we feel like we could conquer the world, and then there are days where it feels like the world has conquered us.

There are days where you want to clean everything in sight, and days where you want to throw everything on the ground til' the floor can no longer be seen.

There are days where you want to reach out to everyone you know, ask them how they're doing, and offer a helping hand, and there are days where you don't want to socialize with anyone and just be by yourself.

There are days where you are motivated and get things done, and days where you do absolutely nothing.

No matter who you are, you've had good days, and bad days, and a line of 'ok' days.

There are good moments, good days, good weeks, good months, and good years.

Same goes for bad ones.

In Common Market's, Tobacco Road, a lyrics states, "They say life is what you make it, but really life is what makes you".

I believe in this statement.

People say, "Whatever happens, happens." Or, "Just let it be/play out." There is only so much of life that is in our control.

It's commonly and frequently said, "It's not what happens, it's how you react." There is a student upset about a B on a test, while a cancer patient is positive about their diagnosis. How's that for reaction control?

But

Life is tough. And incredibly circumstantial. I understand that.

There are moments we handle better than others, moments we wished we could have handled better, and ones we don't care too much about.

Human nature causes us to react instantaneously upon an sudden emotion.

Human logic causes us to think instantaneously before irrationally reacting upon a sudden emotion.

Human nature finds the difficulty to react solely with human logic.

Human logic leads to the discovery that it just takes practice.

Human nature frustrates over imperfection and stresses over mistakes.

Human logic knows acknowledges the nonexistence of perfection and executes mistakes as fuel to learn.

The beauty of emotion is that it's always changing. Why is it a good thing? It's kind of like, "You don't know what you've got til' it's gone".. How can you appreciate being happy if you've never been sad.. Understand?

Society places some sort of restrictions on who can feel what emotion, or rather show it.

A man has to be a man: No tears, nothing but strength and the answers to everything. He cannot be whipped, he cannot be sensitive. Why? They have feelings too.

A woman should not be angry. She is expected to be constantly nurturing and kind. She must do it all and do it without feeling stressed. Why? They have feelings too.

Each emotion is part of our natural human characteristics; although, don't let them become your only characteristics. Control your emotions, don't let them control you.

• Jealousy: A natural human emotion, but its a personal level emotion, meaning you control to what level you allow it to go to; you control how you handle it. No one else- just you.
• Anger: We become angry sometimes, but don't posses the anger characteristic. There is a difference between, being angry and being an angry person. Being angry is situational, being an angry person is a characteristic.
• Vengeance: We have the natural tendency to want to get even with someone who has hurt us; plot it in your head, but never carry it out. The best revenge is none at all. Don't give someone the satisfaction of evoking such hateful emotions out of you, you're better than that.
• Hate: Hate things, not people. Things are inanimate, no chance at emotion; people have stories, things you may , things you  may not know; reasons they may act the way they do. Be fair.
• Brokenness: Getting hurt is inevitable. Allow it to run its course, then conquer it. Don't trap yourself in a rut.
• Betrayal: Another inevitable emotion. The harsh reality, not everyone acts in the best interest of everybody else. We are victims and convicts of betrayal. Be sensitive when someone thinks you've betrayed them and be open minded and understanding when you think someone has betrayed you.
• Bitterness: Being bitter only hurts you. The longer you hold on to something, the longer you hold a grudge, the more miserable you make life for yourself.

 
I've heard that being happy isn't stopping to think if you are. I don't think that could be any more true. Happiness, is. It just happens when you stop trying to make it happen. It's like growing your hair, when you try to grow it and take tons of vitamins and use special shampoos, it doesn't grow; the second you stop thinking about it, it grows.

So basically, negative emotions come, but we control when they go. We have to welcome the positive emotions, let them come in, and encourage them to stay. If we learn to prevent negative emotions from lingering, the longer the positive emotions remain.

Practice makes perfect? Eh, probably not. There will always be ups and downs, we cannot prevent the downs and we cannot perfect the ups.

But, that's ok.

Without the ups and downs, we'd be living a straight line of emotion, and how boring would that be?