Entailing Pain

Something inside the female brain triggers certain kinds of pain; A type that very few men understand.

We're not built like men, we break. Words stick with us, haunting our minds.

When someone tells us we aren't beautiful, sometimes we believe them. When we're told you don't care, it feels like no one does.

We are forced to wipe tears away when all we want is the let them out. We are forced to bury the emotions we feel because we're critiqued when we express them.

To any mother, father, sibling, friend or boyfriend; You may not see the pain on the surface, you may not recognize the hurt taking place. It happens, and that's reality.

This is a dedication to all the girls who tried, have, or continue to endure.

You flipped over your arm, exposing the scars. You told me you used salt and ice, wrapped in a bandage, burning your arms; Sometimes you even used a knife. Because you loved him, none of us stepped in. But I am proud after the years of conflict and heartache you finally freed yourself from his lies and deceit.

I saw your hand, cut and swollen and bruised. She slammed it in the door because you couldn't follow orders quick enough. The few who know, continue to watch, saddened, wishing of something we could do. One day it'll be over, one day you'll leave that place. You have a place to stay, safe and confidential. Hang in there.

He told you you'd never look pretty and she drank, drink after drink until the she began to yell. Fooling everyone, they put on a good show, and so do you. "No one will believe you" they say, but we do. When the fights begin, walk away and don't fight back. You're counting down the days until you can get out, and so are we.

We watched as your legs grew thing and listened when you kindly said, "No thank you, I'm full". You didn't let us help, you didn't let us in. I'm sorry he stopped loving you; It's not because you're not beautiful, it's not because you're not thin. No body knows what changed, but we're happy you're healthy, smiling and once again saying, "I'm hungry".

Nothing seemed to go right, regretfully, no one seemed to take you seriously, just the girl who cried wolf. For a while, things looked up, positive, and new. One after another, things fell apart; Just so you know, you're little brother is the one who found you; Quietly hanging. Everyone misses you; Thanks you for trying, for doing your best. Praying pain fled from your heart as your soul fled the earth. Til' the day we meet, rest in peace.

To those who don't make it, I would not like to promote your actions, but commend your trial. Giving it your best is all anyone could have asked of you. Apologies will be cast in your place, wishing more could have been done.

I also commend those who do make it through, may you continue to prosper. Strength will become on of your most admirable characteristics. When it seems like the tunnel is everlasting, keep going. You are surrounded by many, willing to listen, willing to help.

Most of whom the snippets are about are girls very dear to me. I have learned much from them, and thank them for everything they've shared. Confidential, but they know who they are.

There's not much to say, but to let the words sink in.

Entailing Freedom

On her two feet
the music began to play.
As it played
she watched.
She carried the weight upon her shoulders
she let the burdens hold her down.
In her eyes the world was uneven
in her mind she could do it on her own.
Accustomed, she walked just fine
so numb, she didn't even notice.
Concerned, He looked down at her
and muttered this wouldnt do.
Because I love you, He told her
this is something I must do.
Placing more on her shoulders
the pain began to spread.
She fell
feeling like she failed.
No, He told her.
Pride hinders
you will stand still.
Once you fall
loosen up your hold
and let it all go
you will move again.
This time forward
this time free.
On her two feet
the music began to play.
As it played
she danced.
As she danced, she thanked Him.
As she danced
she was free.

Entailing Filling

"The first few days when that space someone/something filled is empty are the hardest; but they always get filled."

People break and people fall, but we underestimate the willingness of others to mend us and reach out their hand to help us up again.

When we hear the word "Relationship" we think two people swooning over each other, romantic, and commited. But in all honesty, it's not just that.

A relationship is the way two people connect on specific levels. A relationship is a generalized friendship made to prosper.

It's funny to look back on your life, and wonder what it would be like without the people in it. Would you be who you are today? Would your life really be all that different?

We can sit back and wish someone had/had never come into our lives. But in all reality, every person in our lives shape and form us in one way or another.

Some are the people we:

Go to for a good laugh, a slap on the knee kind of person.
-Tell all our secrets to, regardless how significant it is, a confidant.
-Simply cry to, after a rough day, they're a shoulder to cry on.
-Look up to, admire, the hero type.
-Casually speak with, the occasional small talk and "weren't you there when..."
-Rely on for advice. They're our problem solvers.
-Count on as our other half, from bringing out our wild side to breaking the hard shell we cover ourselves in.

The list is infinite, but more true than the grass is green.

Although to fully understand the value of real friendships/relationships, at some point it's necessary to become familiar with the feelings of lonliness, betrayal and rock bottom.

At times, we will feel alone, lost, confused, overwhelmed, etc. but when someone reaches out, or two strangers cross paths at the right time, hope is restored.

We will come across all sorts of people in our lives, all different, all playing different roles.

No one person keeps the same status in our lives forever. Don't be surprised when someone slowly drifts or even walks right out of your life. That's just how it goes.

We must learn to appreciate what/who we have while we have it/them, for nothing and no one is permanent. Allow others to come and go, for we do the same.

Some accompany us in the best memories we'll hold, some disappoint and break our hearts, some simply seem to appear in the backround, and some make us feel alive again.

Regardless, they all matter.

Metaphorically,
Some are a passing glance in the hallway.
Some, an afternoon chat on the porch.
Some are a casual walk in the park.
Some, a marathon partner.

The ugly truth: some friendships aren't meant to last. Some loves are meant to break. Some people are only meant to appear for a fragment of time. And some people just change. Sometimes it hurts like hell, but it becomes altering when we realize the difference they made in us and the good while it lasted.

People are like clouds, they go from hovering on a sunny day to bombarding during a storm. They come and go; potentially annoying, but at times, just what we need.

When one person leaves us, another one comes. Don't get strung up on one, or many for that matter.

It's not really who is filling the space within us, but the mere fact of filling it.

It's strange and sometimes painful when a specific space is filled for so long and suddenly emptied, but it's a transitional stage.

Think of it like a trash can, (or recycling bin) you can't fill it with the new until you dump the old. There's an inbetween stage of required emptiness, but in time, fills back up.

Our friends are some of the most valuable people. They understand our abstract ways of thinking and the silly things we do. Remember all the times you've thanked your lucky stars for them. Don't forget to be that great friend in return. Without our them life would be far more difficult to handle.

Continue to love your family. Blood is the closest relation you'll ever have to someone. When it comes down to it, through our mistakes and foolish decisions/bad attitudes our families love us unconditionally, return to favor and let it show.

Boyfriends/girlfriends share a lot in common on different levels. One tends to bend over backwards for the other, simply out of love and appreciation. Don't take advantage or forget the reasons why you love them. And at all costs, try not to hurt them. Enjoy their company, even if it's for a short time.

People come and go, but our lives keep going. Whoever is meant to be in your life will be right on pace with you and whoever isn't will deviate. Don't stop and wait, Like The Beatles said, "Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, Lala how the life goes on"

Entailing Calluses

We callus our hearts just as we callus anything else; Put it through a little pain until eventually it doesn't hurt anymore.

Entailing The Little Things

As a whole, we tend to be misled by the fact that our well-being is based on the big and central things in our life. What we fail to see is that a collection of little things is just as good.

They're the little things that happen periodically throughout the day that make us smile. The little things that make our day a little better.

When sheets/clothes are still warm when you pull them out of the dryer
Finding money in your pocket you didn't know was there
Your favorite song comes on the radio
A compliment from a stranger
Unexpected hugs (from someone you like that is)
Texts from a friend saying how lucky they feel to be your friend
Beating your high score on a game
Finding hidden notes
Not having your phone for a while, getting it and having a bunch of calls/texts.
When someone tells you you look pretty/nice
Genuinely being asked how you're doing
People remembering something you said when you didn't think they would
Getting in your car and noticing your parents filled your gas tank
Being told you make somebody proud
When friends show up at your work just to say hi
People at your game, cheering specifically for you
Finding an old picture that brings back good memories

The little things that matter vary in individuals, but I believe there is a common understanding that we love the the little things because they make us feel appreciated and reassured that somebody cares.

On the flip side, if there are little things that make us happy, there has to be the ones that do the opposite.

Dropping all your books when you're in a hurry
When your phone/ipod dies
How slow the internet can be sometimes
Wanting to wear something and realizing it's in the washing machiene
A pen runs out of ink or pencil out of led
Being able to tell someone doesn't want to talk to you
Seeing someone you like with another person
Can't remember the artist or title of the song stuck in your head
When a DVD skips, especially at your favorite part
Feeling used
Thinking its Thursday, but it's only Tuesday
Misplacing your keys
Forgetting you had homework due

Its apparent an accumulation of little things can actually play a part in our day. The good ones can make a day brighter and the bad ones can be the rain above your head.

I realized lately that unselfish living in the key to happiness.

Being the bigger person in a situation is a guarantee for happier living than resentment.

It's also a guarantee that we won't always get what we want, so what then? Rely on being content.

Last week at yoga, the card I recieved at the beginning was contentment; encouraging me to welcome and accept what life was giving me. This is extremely valid for my life right now as well as others.

For me, a typical high school girl, wants more than anything to get asked to prom senior year. Being a realist, It's extremely likely that wish won't come true. Disappointing? Very. But being content with it will make it easier.

I don't want to move. But its likely my dad will get a job and I will have to pack up and move away from whats familiar and comfortable. But if I look at it with a fresh perspective and become content, it could turn into an adventure.

Sorry, quite the tangent from "little things". Basically, if we live selflessly and do our best to complete the rhelm of little things in someone else's life, it's just as good as them happening to us.

Doing good for others becomes a domino effect, something little and effortless for us could mean to world to someone else.

You may not be stacked with dollar bills to hand over to charity, but use the resources you have to better the world, or at least one persons world.

We underestimate the power and effect we have; Define it, embrace it, use it.